I slightly lied, there was one other thing I got while shopping yesterday that I forgot to share. But I had to share it, because such a powerful artifact deserves to be seen. This is no ordinary trinket, followers- this is a kangaroo’s paw that I bought. And much like the monkey’s paw, this trinket will give you three wishes, but as a consequence of defying the laws of God and man, you will be punished, but in an Australian kind of way.

For example, you could wish for great wealth, but then a dozen boomerangs will hit you in the head from behind and kill you instantly. Or you could wish for the love of your life to return your feelings, but little do you know, she’s just transformed into a kangaroo before your eyes, and she’s kicked you in the chest and broke seven ribs! Very unfortunate. Learn from these lessons, and should you obtain a kangaroo paw, as I have, be careful to use it only for good.